The holidays

Thanksgiving came and went in a blur. It was a fairly nice day. I could tell that hubby missed being with his family, and I told him I wouldn't mind at all if he wanted to go over and visit with them for a while. I don't get along with his niece (for very good reasons) and I'm sure she doesn't want to be breaking bread with me any more than I want to with her. But I wanted him to be happy. He insisted he was perfectly happy just being there with me and I certainly was happy to be there with him. We got a boneless turkey breast since it was just the two of us, but it was really nasty. It looked like a big blob of Chicken McNugget with all kinds of mystery meat. It tasted equally as nasty. But everything else was pretty good. We had all the traditional stuff...mashed potatoes, potato salad, green beans, baked beans, stuffing, sweet potatoes, rolls, and pumpkin pie.

The days between Thanksgiving and Christmas haven't been so good. He has been stressed over something that happened last September and of course he blames me for all of it. The result has been much arguing and fighting, and after one big one he went to his niece's house for a while. After a week I decided I'm not spending the holidays alone and since he wasn't coming home, I went home to visit my family for the holidays. Christmas was really nice. My daughter and granddaughter came and spent Christmas Eve day with me, and I had so much fun with them. My heart simply melts when I hear my granddaughter call me Nana. That evening both sons were with me. I cooked a turkey, mashed potatoes, corn, stuffing, green beans I think?, rolls, and a pumpkin pie. It was a good meal and I had much fun with my sons. I am very blessed in that respect.

Christmas day was uneventful but very pleasant. Hubby called and sent me text messages while he was with his family, and he called me after he got home. He was in a good mood so that day was very nice.

Eventually, though, the fighting started again. I'm still to blame for everything that has ever gone on in his life and I'm really sick and tired of the emotional, verbal, and physical abuse and games. The result of the physical abuse is his biggest stressor right now. I called 911 and he's paying the piper. He doesn't like that. One day he's so sorry and will never do it again, the next day if I fall asleep and don't answer the phone on the first ring he's verbally abusive.

Last night was the final straw. He is pretty mad at me after having met with his probation officer. The 911 incident cost him a night and half a day in jail, $2000 bond, $2000 for the lawyer, which came out of MY pocket, and now he has probation for 12 months, 80 hours of community service, anger management classes, domestic violence classes, and some other class that the probation officer wants him to take. He doesn't like her at all because he feels that she talks down to him and treats him like a criminal. DUH! You broke the law. You were arrested. You commited a crime. That makes you a criminal. He doesn't want to do the community service that she suggested, so he called some animal shelters. None of them would take him because they don't want to have anybody there with any kind of assault charges. So he feels like he's not even good enough to shovel doggie doo, and of course that, too, is my fault. He got really mad at me again, made some snide comments, and then went off on me about it being my fault for calling 911 in the first place. I guess in his eyes I should just take my beating like a good little girl and keep my mouth shut. I'm too old for that crap. I don't deserve it, and I'm not going to live in that kind of environment.

I was originally supposed to go home today but had to change the plans to go home on Friday. He literally went off on me yet again, telling me that he has had to go through all the probation stuff on his own (I'm not the one who did the crime...why should I suffer even more) and he wanted me home NOW not Friday. So I hung up on him rather than listen to the yelling again. Instead of answering his calls, I sent a text message telling him I am DONE with the abuse. When he can talk to me in a normal tone like a normal person I'll gladly talk to him, but not like that. So he left mean screaming voice mails.

He, as usual, turned it around and said I told him I was done with him and with us and the marriage and went into an even bigger rage. So I told him I'm not coming home. I'll go home to pack up my stuff and bring it back, but I'm not staying. When he gets the help he needs I'll gladly come back. I'm very much in love with him, but I can't take the abuse anymore. Nor should I have to. It looks like this will be one of the shortest marriages in history, aside from Brittany Spears one day marriage.

Now what do I do with this darn tattoo!?!?